Food, Food, Food.

I am an emotional eater. I eat when I’m sad. I eat when I’m bored. I eat to celebrate. I eat to keep myself awake when I think it’s too early to go to sleep. I eat no matter what emotion I am feeling.

Being on furlough, I have plenty of emotions to eat through. I am trying really hard to decide if I am actually hungry or just not wanting to deal with an emotion. And it’s hard for me, because most of the time I am not sure WHAT my emotion actually is to know what to do instead.

If I’m bored, I have started a list of things to do. Trouble is, sometimes I just don’t feel like DOING anything. That’s a whole other thing to work on.

If I’m happy, I’m working on Savoring the Moment. There will be a whole other post about those efforts.

If I’m sad, I’m trying to lean into what ever has made me sad and deal with that. That’s where some of these posts come from.

And truth be told, if I’m tired, I’ve just been going to bed. Because I can. I have nothing going on right now, so my schedule is completely my own.

I did a little digging on the internet, and here’s some articles I found that I found interstig.

Emotional Eating: What You Should Know

This does a great job of giving a high end explication of what emotional eating is. It made me think of something. Eating is comforting to me. There’s really no wrong way to eat. So when I’ve having a negative moment, it is comforting. Eating is a way my family celebrates. We spent all our holidays traveling – or having family travel to us – to celebrate over a big meal. When most of us lived in the same general area, we got together each month to celebrate our birthdays over a potluck meal. Eating was a social inclusion event growing up. After church, our family and other families that were part of our “in crowd”, we would go out to eat lunch, socializing during a meal. Eating, taking a meal in together, for me, has had many positive emotions tied to it. So it make sense that when I am feeling down, even just a little, I turn to food to reminisce about those good ol’ days subconsciously emotionally.

Emotional Eating: 9 Ways to Stop It and Lose Weight

Did I ever tell you about the time I thought I was a food addict? Yes, it’s true. I don’t know if I ever told anyone. I snuck off to Overeaters Anonymous meetings. Bought a book that we read during our meetings. It was 12 step based. It didn’t change my relationship with food even just a little. There were NO snacks at the meeting AND we couldn’t go out to lunch after the meeting to be social!? What do you do to spend time with strangers to get to know them?!!

This article talks about how science hasn’t been able to prove food is an addictive element, but they can show how people demonstrate addictive behavior toward food. That’s what I felt like I was doing. I was obsessed with food. When and what was I going to eat next? I felt like that was all I thought about. During this time I was VERY unhappy. My life was not where or what I wanted it to be. At all. And I was obsessed with getting that comfort from my food. I didn’t realize that until a number of years later.

What I find perplexing about this read is in one breath it says rate your hunger and only eat when you are really hungry and in another breath it says to schedule your meals to eat at certain times during the day. Now, I have to subscribe to the “eat when I’m hungry and only when I’m hungry, but not overly hungry, because I had surgery for my acid reflux in 2017. I’ll throw up. I also can’t eat too much or certain foods, like broccoli or dry rice, or I throw up. And I burp a lot!! It’s quite embarrassing. It has really changed how I view eating food socially. The good news is, if I go out to eat, I usually get 2 or 3 meals out of what ever I have ordered and I have lost about 40 pounds since the procedure.

The great advice from this article for me is balance is key and have a list of alternate activities to do instead of eat if you aren’t really hungry. I am working on the balance part and I have a list started (see earlier in this article).

Here are two more that have some really great ideas on helping curb the crave:

Do you have a healthy relationship with food? Have you experience any of these things? I’d love to hear your take on these matters.

One last leg…

I got to sleep in Aimee’s old room last night. It’s so cutely decorated!! It was so comfortable! When I get my own place I do have to buy a bed and THAT mattress on that bed is what I am going to buy! I felt like Goldie Locks in the Three Bears story and that bed was “just right”. I slept so good! I didn’t want to wake up when my alarm went off. I was tied from all the excitement the last 2 days getting here! I was excited last night and couldn’t fall asleep right away when I went to bed. But none of that mattered. Kelly and Randy were still going into work and I needed to get on the road and on to my final stop – my friend Jill’s house in St Charles, MO.

I tried to stay behind, but Michele came back for me!

I got all my stuff gathered up, asked Randy about where to get gas, plugged in Jill’s address and was off! Because of the direction I parked the truck last night, I had to circle the neighborhood a little bit. Boy was I glad I did! I realized I forgot Tyson!! He was up on the mantle in Kelly and Randy’s living room. Good thing I remember or I would have been super sad!! I circled back around and pick up my little buddy and THEN I was on the road again!!

Randy said the QuikTrips seemed to have the best fuel prices right now. Randy and Kelly both work for FedEx. I trust their knowledge of fuel prices around town! I stopped for gas and a new diet pepsi at the QuikTrip in Tulsa OK. It was still over cast, and it made me a little sleepy. But I was excited to get on the road and on to Jill’s house.

Half a tank of gas later, a few phone calls to my friends and it was time to stop again.

It seems like all I did was get gas, listen to books on Audible and snack. I brought so much food I didn’t even make a dent in everything!! Anyway, I stopped at the I got the TA Truck Service and got the cutest toys for the grandkids!! If you see them, don’t tell them, but while I was in there I found the cutest Hillbilly Cell Phones. It was the cutest little thing and Bentli, my grandson is just convinced that at the ripe old age of 8, he needs a cell phone. Mind you, this child has been Facetiming me in the middle of the night, when he wakes up from a bad dream on his iPad since he was 2. Yes, I said 2. Sweetest calls ever. And I cherish those. Anyway, I think they will make fun birthday presents so I get one for him and one for Brooklynn, my granddaughter, who is also 8. More on them later.

Love’s Travel Plaza Rolla, MO. mcDonald’s

I was starting to not feel so great. I thought maybe it was because I hadn’t really had any meat for nearly 3 days. I did have my peanut butter sandwiches yesterday and the day before, but no meat, like beef or chicken or fish. So I thought I would try to find somewhere that I could get a burger or chicken nuggets. The drive throughs were open, but I couldn’t pull my 10′ truck with a car in tow through the drive through.

It’s a real concern for these truck drivers too. Even the “restaurants” in these truck stops were at bare minimum. I felt bad ordering a meal from there for fear what if they ran out for the truck drivers. Anyway, I was thrilled that the Loves in Rolla had a McDonald’s that had a lobby open. I went in and got a burger. Of course, with my dumb stomach, I could only eat about 1/2 the burger and then I felt like throwing up. I’ll tell you more about my dumb stomach another time.

I was back on the road and I was just sooooo tired. I didn’t want to stop because I wanted to just get to Jill’s. So I called my mom to talk to her and try to stay awake. It just wasn’t working. I had to stop at Dottie’s Family Restaurant and park over in the truck rest area there and nap for about an hour.

I initially thought it was because my siblings had kept me up late the last 2 nights and I was up so early to get on the road and continue my journey. But in reality, it was that I was coming down with pneumonia. I had this sharp pain in my left lung when I breathed in. I get it about every year. Usually with a nasty cough. And I get a chest x-ray and am told I have pneumonia and bronchitis. With all this COVID-19 stuff going around, I didn’t want to bother anyone with my ailment.

Anyway, I took about an hour nap and felt so much better and was able to get back on the road again. Did I mention it was POURING down rain! Like so bad there were times I couldn’t really see the road all that well either. I was hoping the rain would let up while I slept, but it didn’t. It always seems to rain when I move.

Made it!

I continued to listen to my books, snack on my snacks and before I knew it, I was finally to Jill’s house!! Yay!!

I have known Jill since about 7th grade. I am so thankful to be at her house for this brief time so I can find an apartment of my own and start my new leg of this journey I call life.

It’s the first day of the rest of my life!!