Food, Food, Food.

I am an emotional eater. I eat when I’m sad. I eat when I’m bored. I eat to celebrate. I eat to keep myself awake when I think it’s too early to go to sleep. I eat no matter what emotion I am feeling.

Being on furlough, I have plenty of emotions to eat through. I am trying really hard to decide if I am actually hungry or just not wanting to deal with an emotion. And it’s hard for me, because most of the time I am not sure WHAT my emotion actually is to know what to do instead.

If I’m bored, I have started a list of things to do. Trouble is, sometimes I just don’t feel like DOING anything. That’s a whole other thing to work on.

If I’m happy, I’m working on Savoring the Moment. There will be a whole other post about those efforts.

If I’m sad, I’m trying to lean into what ever has made me sad and deal with that. That’s where some of these posts come from.

And truth be told, if I’m tired, I’ve just been going to bed. Because I can. I have nothing going on right now, so my schedule is completely my own.

I did a little digging on the internet, and here’s some articles I found that I found interstig.

Emotional Eating: What You Should Know

This does a great job of giving a high end explication of what emotional eating is. It made me think of something. Eating is comforting to me. There’s really no wrong way to eat. So when I’ve having a negative moment, it is comforting. Eating is a way my family celebrates. We spent all our holidays traveling – or having family travel to us – to celebrate over a big meal. When most of us lived in the same general area, we got together each month to celebrate our birthdays over a potluck meal. Eating was a social inclusion event growing up. After church, our family and other families that were part of our “in crowd”, we would go out to eat lunch, socializing during a meal. Eating, taking a meal in together, for me, has had many positive emotions tied to it. So it make sense that when I am feeling down, even just a little, I turn to food to reminisce about those good ol’ days subconsciously emotionally.

Emotional Eating: 9 Ways to Stop It and Lose Weight

Did I ever tell you about the time I thought I was a food addict? Yes, it’s true. I don’t know if I ever told anyone. I snuck off to Overeaters Anonymous meetings. Bought a book that we read during our meetings. It was 12 step based. It didn’t change my relationship with food even just a little. There were NO snacks at the meeting AND we couldn’t go out to lunch after the meeting to be social!? What do you do to spend time with strangers to get to know them?!!

This article talks about how science hasn’t been able to prove food is an addictive element, but they can show how people demonstrate addictive behavior toward food. That’s what I felt like I was doing. I was obsessed with food. When and what was I going to eat next? I felt like that was all I thought about. During this time I was VERY unhappy. My life was not where or what I wanted it to be. At all. And I was obsessed with getting that comfort from my food. I didn’t realize that until a number of years later.

What I find perplexing about this read is in one breath it says rate your hunger and only eat when you are really hungry and in another breath it says to schedule your meals to eat at certain times during the day. Now, I have to subscribe to the “eat when I’m hungry and only when I’m hungry, but not overly hungry, because I had surgery for my acid reflux in 2017. I’ll throw up. I also can’t eat too much or certain foods, like broccoli or dry rice, or I throw up. And I burp a lot!! It’s quite embarrassing. It has really changed how I view eating food socially. The good news is, if I go out to eat, I usually get 2 or 3 meals out of what ever I have ordered and I have lost about 40 pounds since the procedure.

The great advice from this article for me is balance is key and have a list of alternate activities to do instead of eat if you aren’t really hungry. I am working on the balance part and I have a list started (see earlier in this article).

Here are two more that have some really great ideas on helping curb the crave:

Do you have a healthy relationship with food? Have you experience any of these things? I’d love to hear your take on these matters.

I miss you much…

Why do we miss people?

I was driving around the other day (sorry, I didn’t have internet until yesterday and so I wasn’t able to work on my blog) and I saw a Harbor Freight store and started crying.

WHY??!!

INSIDE OUT, from left: Sadness (voice: Phyllis Smith), Joy (voice: Amy Poehler), 2015. © Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures / courtesy Everett Collection

In that moment a flood of memories of Mark came rushing in and I missed him. And I hated that I missed him. He dumped me. Out of the blue with no explanation, no matter how many times I asked. I should have nothing but negative feelings and thoughts toward him. But I don’t. And I got really annoyed with myself because I don’t want to miss him. It hurts to miss him. I get sad. I’m tired of being sad. It’s been 2 months for crying out loud!!!

It got me to thinking about why do we miss people?

So let me just start off by saying that there are a lot of really great songs about missing people. The Rolling Stones did Miss You in 1978. John Waite sang Missing You in 1984. In 1989 Natalie Cole sang Miss You Like Crazy and Janet Jackson gave us Miss You Much. That’s just to name a few.

So I’m in good company, missing someone, right? But WHY??

I’ll also share I miss other people too. I miss my Grandma Carter on most holidays because it’s when I usually saw her. And truth be told, it was just about the only time my family in town got together – to see Grandma, or so Grandma could see us. I miss my dad every time I have issue with my car. Though sometimes he did really odd things to fix things in general, he always knew what to do with the car. And I do not. I miss my high school sweetheart, Darin.

It was in realizing I miss Darin that made me think, do I ACTUALLY miss the person, or do I miss the events and feelings that we created together?

I can’t actually miss Darin. I haven’t seen or heard from him for 20 years-ish. I don’t even KNOW him any more. I enjoyed the feeling of being loved in a high school/college kinda way. I savored the fun we had at Westport Plaza or driving around in his cute little Spitfire convertible. I miss those feelings and experiences.

I miss the feeling of my loving family gathering together for the holidays. I miss the way Grandma made me feel like I was the most important person in the world, when I was with her. She did that my entire life!! I miss baking cookies and washing the dishes at the sink with her. I miss her telling me I was her favorite grandchild – and the sweet little smile when she said, “but don’t tell the others.”

I miss knowing my dad knew how to physically fix everything if I needed help. I miss him coming in my room at night, after we had disagreed about something, me pretending to be asleep and him telling why he saw things the way he did and how he was sorry he upset me and that he loved me.

I miss the laughter I shared with Mark about the silly day to day happenings in our life. I miss snuggling up on the couch with him, his arm wrapped about me, feeling like my rough day just disappeared, never to be seen again. I miss traveling and seeing the great southwest in our RV. It was my dream life. I miss talking about and planning our future. I miss how beautiful he made me feel.

So maybe it’s not that I miss the person. What if I am afraid I won’t ever have those positive experiences again and I am sad about that? Maybe I’m afraid I won’t find those positive experiences again. Maybe I am afraid I won’t connect with someone like I connected with them.

I turned to the great Googles, and here are some other website I found that talk about why we miss people.

These are really great articles and have some interesting perspectives. And honestly, I kinda feel a little better about missing people.

You know what’s really weird… I don’t miss either of my ex-husbands.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter too. Leave me a comment!